What's Your God-Sized Dream?

One of the blogs I like to follow is called InCourage and they asked the question "What is your God-sized dream?"

I had to think about that for a few moments.  These are the times that I struggle.  I should be asleep - it is 2:10 a.m.  However, the house is quiet, and therefore . . . this is MY time.  I wonder how many other mother's out there relate to me.  During the day, we sacrifice of ourselves to meet the many needs of our family members.  In my case, I have my mother that lives with our family due to her being too sickly to live alone, and I care for her needs.  My husband, of course, has needs that I try to meet as well.  Then, there are the children. . . I have six precious children and I thank God for entrusting me with each and every one of them. . . most of the time.  :-)

I've reflected much over the past few weeks.  Honestly, Christmas never was a happy thing for me.  From my childhood on, I just didn't ever enjoy it much.  There was a lack of harmony in our home growing up, and that is phrasing it as nicely as possible.  There never was a happy holiday, they were always high stress.  Things have improved now that I have my own family, and I'd like to make holidays a happy time for their sakes, but I just have a resistance to Christmas, ya know?  What it is now is so far removed from what it should be.  I'd love to take a stand and show my children the "real" Christmas, but how does one not have them have all the 'stuff' that everyone they know has and partakes in?  Anyway, this is taking me on a rabbit trail that I didn't intend to get on.

In my reflecting on my attitude over the holidays, I've realized that at the core of my unhappiness is a heart that is crazy selfish.  I am very full of self in my thoughts and directions.  I think that I have disciplined myself enough to do things for others, but my thought life is another story, as I think about me and my needs constantly.

I believe that part of it would be because I fight God's authority and direction over my life.  I am an 'in control' type of person and it is hard for me to yield to another.  However, I do believe with all my heart that God loves me, and that he has adopted me into His family and truly has the path drawn for me that would be the best to follow.  So, my God-sized dream this year is to discipline my thoughts.  2 Corinthians 10:5 “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;”  It isn't enough for me to 'behave' correctly, if my thought life isn't also pure, then I still have an issue in my heart, no doubt.  “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:” Proverbs 23:7. 

I find it interesting that that verse above clearly indicates to us that our thoughts are a reflection of our heart.  Very convicting to me.  I know that it will not be an easy road, disciplining my thoughts and working on become less self-motivated, but I believe that I can do it, with God's help.  What is your God-sized dream for 2010?

By the way, for my faithful readers, I know that yesterday I indicated that I would put together a resource list of links for great tips and good reads for getting a great start to the new year.  Still working on it.  I should post it later today!  Thanks so much for following!  :-)